you wonder..

sometimes i wonder.  i like to ask my family all the time if i'll ever get married. they used to tell me yes.. but then i think they got annoyed so they stopped saying yes and started telling me no.  my dad says i'm just gonna live with him forever. my mom does too. i'm okay with that. i'll just make cake and cookies all day. i love baking.. round out all that fat with some chicken for dinner. i also love to cook..

it's weird to me that some people lterally have no idea how to cook. 

back to the getting married thing.  my sister, abbi had this conversation with me the other day.

abbi: you're really old

me: uhhh. last time i checked i was only 19. (in my head: ishh. i am old)

abbi: yea, that's old. you realize you probably are never going to get married

me:dude! i'm 19! i have loads of time! i don't even want to start thinking about guys like that til i'm well over 21.

abbi: yea, but you don't even have a boyfriend. you're never gonna get married

me: well, you're just... (lack of comeback. storms off and whines to mom)

mind you, my sister is 14. i laugh and think it's funny.. but deep. deeeeeeep inside i wonder if she's right..  getting personal here. i'm not the class A, boys at my feet, done-up, makeup and hair perfect... or even done, girl.  and when guys do like me, they typically are the ones who are more femme than i am.  plus, i'm freakishly awkward.  i do really weird things all the time. i get funny looks from people and play it off and pretend that they're actually super impressed with how cool i think i am.

my mom and my grandmas and aunts have these amazing stories of meeting their husbands so young and how it just worked and everything was lalala and peacky keen. I"M NINETEEN! illedgedly that's really old. *sigh* forever alone.